Cinderella’s fairy godmother knew someone was going to knock at the door seconds before it happened. That was one of the gifts that came with the job of being a fairy godmother. She answered to find a matronly looking woman with luminous white hair and a loving smile.
“Hi honey,” said the woman in greeting.
“Hello to you as well,” answered the fairy godmother. “What can I do for you?”
“My name is Esmeralda and I’m from the IIC of WW and FGMs”.
“The what?”
“The International Institutional Commission of Witches, Warlocks, and Fairy Godmothers concerning all aspects of spells, potions, charms, concoctions with magical properties and all other things magical,” replied Esmeralda. “I’m an inspector with the investigation arm of the organization representing the white division. You do know there is a white, good area of magic and a black division, the evil side of our business. I’m from the white division.”
“Uh, why are you here? Are you investigating me?” asked the Fairy Godmother.
“I’m here to make the preliminary inquiry into the Cinderella affair. You do realize there were mistakes made, don’t you?”
Dazed, the fairy godmother asked, “Mistakes? What do you mean mistakes were made? That was eight hundred years ago! Why now?”
“The hand of the government moves slowly. There is paperwork and forms to be completed you know. Why don’t you put on a pot of tea and invite me in? As for mistakes, we’ll discuss them later,” instructed Esmeralda.
“Well I guess you should come in then. By the way, do you have identification?” asked the fairy godmother.
“Sure honey, here is my ID and to get off on the right foot, please make no comments about my ID picture, I’ve heard them all. By the way, you can call me Essy. What should I call you?”
“You can call me Judy,” said Cinderella’s godmother.
“Okay Judy, let’s get started. Tell me about Cinderella from the beginning, not just the night of the party,” prompted Essy.
“Well, I became aware of Cinderella and her situation shortly after she moved here to live with her stepmother and the two gargoyles, her step sisters.”
“Keep the personal comments out of it, I simply want the facts,” chided Essy.
“Okay, Cinderella never complained or made wishes, but the sisters kept me awake at night with all their complaining about Cinderella not doing enough for them or doing it fast enough. You do realize that a fairy godmother hears all of the complaints and wishes from all over her territory. It was a raw nerve at that time. Being a novice godmother, I didn’t know how to block out those voices. It was driving me crazy, especially the whining of those two stepsisters. Thank goodness I’ve learned to block out those voices using meditation and yoga. Now I can enjoy some peace and quiet. Here’s your tea Essy.”
“Thanks dearie, now continue with your testimony.”
“Like I said, I became aware of Cinderella second hand and decided to investigate. Those three were just terrible to Cinderella, but since she never complained of or wished for anything, there was nothing I could do. Then the prince decided to throw a gala ball to scout out the women in the kingdom for a potential wife. Well, the wish list for the two bitches went off the chart.”
“What, what witches?” sputtered Esmeralda, spilling some of her tea.
“Not witches, I said bitches with a capital B. The two stepsisters. They both wished for lavish new dresses, jewelry, horses, and carriages to impress the prince. And, of course, they both wished they could marry the prince. Then marvel of marvels, Cinderella wished she could go to the ball, and they laughed at her. Can you believe it, they actually laughed in her face! It was a good thing I was a good fairy godmother or I would have turned the ball into a barbeque serving zapped stepsister—which would probably have been too tough and rancid to eat, but I would have zapped them anyway.”
“Such language, I will have to report that attitude to the committee as a member in good standing with the white division,” scolded Essy.
“I don’t care, they were atrocious! But finally, Cinderella had put in a wish and I jumped right on it. I went to Cinderella and—”
“Yes, I know. You appeared in a blaze of white light and pink glitter in your best long flowing gown, wide-eyed like a freshman at the junior prom. That is clearly a violation of fairy godmother code Section C, Rule 24b, paragraph 3, and I quote, never should a godmother appear before subjects stating ‘I am your fairy godmother’,” said Essy as she noted the violation in her official inquiry tablet.
“I know, but I was new,” explained Judy.
“No matter dearie, it simply is bad practice, now continue.”
Judy continued cautiously, “Well, I made her a simply divine dress with just a hint of décolletage, you know, discreet but a little daring. If you’re going the ball you might as well catch the prince’s eye while you’re there, right? Then I turned a pumpkin into a beautiful coach, some mice into footmen and a couple into magnificent gray horses.”
“That’s alright, except for changing the mice into humans. There was a complaint to the Society of Cruelty to Innocent Animals on behalf of the mice. Just think how humiliating it is to be an animal changed into a human. Sure you’ve seen how some humans act, and it simply isn’t fair to treat an animal in that manner, making them act like humans. It seems one of the mice is suffering from depression from the experience and we’ve been paying disability on that claim for so many years. He can’t function because of the recurring nightmares,” scolded Esmeralda.
“Oh please!” moaned Judy. “Anyway, I sent Cinderella to the ball perfect from head-to-toe. Those glass slippers were such a fantastic accessory.”
“Yes, now we come to the glass slippers,” tisked Essy. “That was probably the worst mistake of the evening Judy. That glass slipper left behind at the end of the magical spell is a gross violation of rules. Magic and spells are supposed to be gentle influences and residue left after the spell is a no-no.”
“Remember Essy, I was just a beginning godmother. I had maybe three months of experience and was operating on a learner’s permit at the time. I didn’t even know how to cast a spell that lasted from one day to the next, so I had to end the spell at midnight. Then when Cinderella ran off and dropped the shoe, since it wasn’t with her, it was missed and left behind in the return to normal. But, things turned out alright, they got married, right?”
“It may have turned out the way that you wanted, but let’s talk about the bird attacking the stepsisters and pecking out their eyes. From your earlier comments, I see some Judy influence. Am I right?” asked Essy.
Reluctantly, Judy admitted, “I’m afraid I did encourage the birds to attack Griselda and her sister, but they changed their attitudes, didn’t they?”
“That they did,” admitted Essy. “But remember, everyone in the world isn’t intended to be nice. It would serve you well to remember that in the future. Do you have anything else to add?”
“No, that about covers it I guess. What will your report say?” asked Judy.
“Well,” responded Esmeralda, “there were clearly some mistakes made, and you let your emotions overpower your thinking, but being that you were new on the job and somewhat ignorant of your duties and restrictions, I’m recommending a small fine and perhaps an anger management class. But, I’m sure you will be hearing from someone in the future. Oh, I almost forgot. The home office said I should remind you that your continuing education is due by the first of the year. There is a nice new class on magic potions and one on the use of smoke and mirrors when casting spells. You might meet some interesting politicians in that one. Well dearie, thanks for the tea. Good luck.” And with that she disappeared in a puff of white smoke, leaving the fairy godmother to her thoughts about what had just happened.
Judy sipped her tea and smiled as she thought, “Well, I guess as long as I keep up with my continuing education and keep my duties up to date, it should be a couple hundred years before I hear from them again. Like she said, the hand of the government moves slowly.”